based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
