He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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