I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
