Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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