Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
