What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
