I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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