She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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