drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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