i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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