the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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