A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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