she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
