Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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