this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
