Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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