I look better un-naked...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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