is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
