I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
