i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
