you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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