remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
