She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
