They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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