i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
