It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
