My balls are so social today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
