Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
