he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
