he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
