I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
