Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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