1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
