you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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