I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
