seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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