Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
