dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
