my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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