I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
