so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
