I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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