Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
