woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
