I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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