Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
