I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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