Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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