then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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