direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dignity is for republicans.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
