I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
